Saturday, February 6, 2010

Are you an anchor or a motor?

"There are two types of people - anchors and motors. You want to lose the anchors and get with the motors because motors are going somewhere and they're having more fun. The anchors just drag you down" - Wyland - World renowned marine artist

We have these people in our lives that are called dream stealers...they tell you that your dreams and goals are a waste and constantly try to drag you back down to their level. You can easily identify those people with their victim mentality and mediocre standards. They are toxic people and you would be doing yourself a big favor by being totally alone than to expose yourself to these people that suck the life out of you. Surround yourself with winners... with people that believe in you and celebrate your victories.
Drop out of the "ain't it awful" club. My husband is a radio talk show host and many days he was forced to talk about the "ain't it awful" stories. Not a great deal of deep, meaningful discussions. Lots of talk about how awful the story was.
We do a good enough job on our own thinking we are going to fail so why do we waste any time with anyone that wants to help us get there? The day I decided to have weight loss surgery was the day I decided that failure was not an option. 30 years of failure but this time failure was NOT AN OPTION.
"Confidence is contagious So is lack of confidence" - Vince Lombardi
Whether it's certain friends or someone on Facebook or the person on the discussion boards that is a constant stream of negative judgments, criticisms, blaming and complaining. Misery certainly loves company so why would you expose yourself to that mindset? So many of us want to fix those people....I did for a lot of years but I learned my lesson. Instead of hanging with the dream stealers, I want to hang with the winners. Raising the bar is the way to get yourself up out of the mud. There will always be people who find it necessary to say something unkind about someone else in order to make themselves feel more important and it's even worse when they acquire vulnerable followers and start this mob mentality that grows and grows. Pretty soon the toxicity is infectious. Step away from the toxic away from the anchors. When you hang with the winners you'll start to think and act like them and your dreams and goals will be celebrated instead of shot down every time you express an opinion.
Will you stumble sometimes? Sure you will. Get back up, try another way, try going over, around or through and if that doesn't work, you do it again. And when you're in the midst of trying again, who do you want next to you? An anchor or a motor?
Ladies and gentlemen....start your engines....


Anonymous said...

I love this! I would like to think that I have gotten rid of all the anchors in my life.
Now, it's full steam ahead. Either go with me or get out of the way is my motto.
Kathy, Ohio

Matthew said...

That's true. There will always be people who will try to make you abandon your dreams because this way they will not feel convicted that they are doing nothing to overcome their own misery. They don't want you to succeed because if you do, your success will always stand across their face as a reminder that they are responsible for their own misery. I am glad you were able to follow your dreams. I like the music in your blog.

Cathy said...

love this post! It is so true, and words to live by. We have worked hard to get ourselves out of the mud. The last thing we need is to get drug back into the muck. Some may think that this is being selfish, but I think it is survial. I spent too many years allowing myself to be held back, now there is no way I will look back.

I love to help others but they need to be inspired to help themselves.

Thanks for your inspiration!

Mari in AL said...

Very interesting, Yvonne. I, too, had a one of those people and have recently extricated them from my life. I found that I was drowning in their negativity and was struggling to keep my head above water. I love myself too much to allow that to continue, so I did what was necessary to go forward. It was a painful "divorce", but I feel so much better for it. I am so blessed to have many friends who are positive influences and YOU are one of those people. Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Wow! This is powerful!~I agree that it is all about survival! We are responsible for our own happiness as well as our own failures...I say "Yeah, it is full steam ahead! TOOOOOOT TOOOOOOT! I am on board! Thank you once again Yvonne! I want to ride this train with you guys. Love to all~! Annette1957

Unknown said...

My sweet girl Mari, isnt' it true that no matter how much pain is involved in removing these people from our life it comes down to which is the most painful? Leave it as it is or change it? As much as I wish I had learned this lesson earlier, it is all that has happened in my life that has brought me to where I am. Life lessons learned are so much more effective when we live them instead of hear about them but I still believe that if you share them that some people will "get it" just by hearing it.

Special thanks to each and every one of you for your comments. I feel so strongly that if we realized what these "anchors" do to us, we would run for the hills!
Many blessings, Yvonne

Laura Preston said...

What a great message. I could not agree more. The anchor may be a job that makes you miserable everyday, a relationship that does not encourage you to go after those dreams, friendships that want to sabotage your success or if jealous...or even people in your own community that are toxic. Instead of wasting my time and energy on being upset or obsessed with what they are doing...I need to focus on what I am doing and push forward. Let them worry about what I am up to, as I will let them continue on digging their own holes.
Your such an inspiration! Thank you for this today....was much needed.

Anonymous said...

You are such an inspiration and have been such a positive influence in my life. You are so right about the anchors in out life bringing us down. One of the things that I have to remember is that when I was obese, how much pain that caused me and others; because it kept me from participating in their lives in a meaningful way. Today, I do surround myself with positive/motivating people and try to be that example to others.

Kathryn, Texas

A WLS Chronicle said...

You always give me such stimulating things to think about. Thanks! It is true!
Much love,

Rustique Gal said...

Yvonne, I just found your blog and am loving it. I had lap band surgery 4 years ago and in a bit of a struggle right now. You are inspiring me. Please drop by my new blog Rustique Too Lifestyle for my story. I hope to get a little dialog going... Thanks! Sherry (

Anonymous said...

Yvonne, you are so right. Within the last few years, I've had to drop some anchors too. The first one was a gal who always complained about things. When I would give her a possible solution, her response was always, "Yes, but..." I finally realized that all she wanted to do was complain. She was draining me so I backed away & haven't seen her in years.

The second one was a bit more difficult to drop. She was in an abusive relationship which she refused to leave. It was so hard to watch her getting dragged down the tubes. At what point does a victim become a volunteer??? I finally had to tell her that so long as she was staying in that relationship, I could no longer be her sounding board. It was hard, but, again, she was dragging me down just listening to her. If and when she ever decides to help herself, I'll be there for her. But so long as she allows him to abuse her, I cannot simply stand by and watch. I'm outta there!!!

Cari (aka Gastric Bypass Barbie) said...

What a breath of fresh air you are, Yvonne. I call these "motors" my bariatric buddies and the "anchors" my "bariatric buoys" (which one will help me get to the shore faster?).

I figure I'd rather hang out with people who think, believe, and live as I do, instead of trying to convert buoys to buddies. When I first began sharing about my journey, I made the mistake of trying to "fix" those who were broken, until I realized that I was losing momentum trying to PUSH or PULL them along. Now, I don't want it to sound like I have no compassion, because I do my very best to offer a kind word of support, encouragement, correction, or motivation, but there is a difference between stopping, picking someone up, and dragging them along, and helping them in their own journey.

Bottom line? I will offer a hand UP, but not a hand OUT.

Anyway, keep doing what you do; I love your message; it resonates on so many levels :-)