Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Forgiving the Fat Girl

Last weekend I was speaking at the Obesity Help Cincinnati Event and as usual I showed some of my before pictures.

Today I received an email from a dear friend of mine Barbara and she asked me this:

After weight loss surgery, and having lost 116 pounds and counting, do I eventually become and stay for life, a fat girl in a slim body, or do I evolve (with personal work and therapy) into a slim girl in a slim body with a fat girl buried under the tree in my backyard?

This was my answer....

B. You evolve (with personal work and therapy) into a slim girl in a slim body with a fat girl buried under the tree in my backyard.

I have buried the fat girl in the backyard but I keep a picture to show others what is possible. I know that by looking at the before pictures I have the ability to move past painful emotions and can come to peace with that pain. Any time I looked at those pictures for the first several years after weight loss surgery I would feel the shame and blame and guilt but now I have forgiven her...the fat girl.

She was doing the very best she could.
She kept trying to find the solution and she didn't give up.
The fat girl saved my life.
She died to save me and I’m grateful for that.

She suffered for 30 years and carried the physical and emotional pain every day but even with that….she thought that one day there might still be a way out. Even at 47 years old when some cultures consider that old age and way too late to start over, she kept trying! The fat girl believed that it was possible to still live a life with purpose and meaning.

I look back at her now with love because even though she wanted to just give up and die, she didn't.

I participated in the fashion show at the event and something happened that I was fortunate enough to get video of. This is something the former fat girl in me only dreamed wear a dress and heels and walk a catwalk or runway. We had all done our "one at a time" walk and we were all coming back out for one last walk when a very nice looking man nearly half my age said "I'm walking with you!" A great song came on and I decided to have a good time. Pursing my lips and doing my very best strut, I proceeded down the runway. Not knowing what would happen next was really scary.

Would I fall?

Would I do something stupid?

I decided it didn't matter. Jared was the perfect partner and he dipped me!
So thank you fat girl....thank you for allowing me to live that slice of life I never thought possible.

I'm not ashamed of you anymore.
Love and Light,


p.s. I'm including the video. Click in the middle of it if you can't see the whole frame and it will take you to you tube.


Waning Woman said...

Loved this!

Gastric Bypass Barbie said...

The fat girl is very much dead and buried, Yvonne. I wouldn't recognize or know her if I saw her. You are beautiful, vivacious, and alive! Muah! Thank you for sharing your story -- and your fashion show -- with us. I LOVED it and I love you!

Barbara said...

Gastric bypass Barbie and Yvonne, thanks so much for showing me my future, and the future of my fat girl. I think she is dead, but I am still covering the gravesite with soil. I am 1 year post op, and Yvonne has told me that "The first year, you don't even know who you are." When she told me that, I was a few weeks post op and did not quite understand what she meant. Of course, now I know.

I also know that I don't miss sugar, or foods made with sugar cause ain't nothin' sweeter than wearing a size ten!

mavicity said...

Thank you for a very inspiring message. I think the reason why I keep bouncing back to my fat girl weight is because I can't let her go, I can't stop lambasting her, I can't forgive her for all the awkward moments I had to endure.
So now, after reading your post, I'm going to make a promise to myself, to forgive and thank the fat girl and to welcome the new slim girl I hope to again become.
Thank you so much.
Cheers, Mary bariatrics surgery protein

Unknown said...

I am 5.9 years out and have been at 135 lbs since forever, which isn't bad on my 5'7 frame. But . . . I still see myself as the fat girl. The. Fat. Girl. I am glad to find you and hope, with your inspiration, to rid myself of the fat girl baggage.

How about a WLS retreat where we can cut the baggage loose and free ourselves. (I have lead many a women's retreat. LOL)

Nancy Briscar Martel said...

Thank you for this entry! I'm 11.5 months out from WLS and have lost 115 lbs. to date. I really needed to read this, today. I also keep a blog about my journey. If you would like to check it out, please visit the URL below. I will be reading your blog from now on!!!



Rustique Gal said...

Yvonne, You are really inspiring to us all! I loved the walk and the DIP!
I never developed a strut, cause, who wants to see a fat girl jiggle all over? But now that I've lost 90 lbs., I have to practice moving my hips again. Strange, but fun!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this. You were able to put into words what I have been feeling for the longest time.

I'm hoping now that I've read this, that I can forgive myself once and for all.